I. About communication

1. The Elements of Communication

In Shannons opinion, to communicate means to wish to mutually settle something with somebody. On the one hand, this implies the existence of certain heterogeneity between the persons involved in the act of communication (people are different), otherwise the intention to communicate would be pointless. On the other hand, the existence of certain homogeneity is also necessary, at least in connection with the area of interests and the cognitive field.

The elements of the communication process are:

The transmitter, that may be an individual or a group

The message source

The recipient, that may be an individual or a group

The message addressee

The message, that is an ensemble of signs coherently ordered by rules that are common to the source and the addressee and that are used to express something (Ph. Guilhaume).

Of course, this ensemble of signs forms a code that is known at least by the reference group, meaning the group that gets involved in the act of communication. The signs used in the act of communication may be at the same time written signs, audible signs or non-verbal signs (for instance, physical appearance poise, mimic, gestures, clothing).

Transmitting a message implies the existence of a mutual code between the source and addressee. Thus, any act of communication (starting with event the simple conversation) implies reporting to a reference culture, be it related to ones personal history, cultural level, social status or emotional state. A too big difference or asymmetry of the reference culture may cause communication distortions. We must keep in mind that there is a multitude of codes. The channel is represented by the material format the message in transmitted by.

The essential elements of communication in the human society are those that do not use mechanical channels, but the following means of communication:

The word with its various dimensions: semantics, intensity, tone of voice, and other aspects as well (non-words): breath, sighing, exclamations, onomatopoeic exclamations.

The body: mimic, gestures, poise, physical changes of a neuro-vegetative nature.

The talk or conversation is defined by Tarde as an elementary social relation. At the same time, the talk is a cooperation relation, an exchange of words, a transaction (Flahaut). As it is an interdependence relation, the time of the conversation must be shared between interlocutors so that what is said should have meaning and value for the listeners.

The content, in its turn, must be pertinent: the interlocutors must have mutual representations and references otherwise the conversation becomes ambiguous.

The stake of the conversation, its mobiles, that is what makes us talk is related to:

the commitment to communicate

events / circumstances of interest

self awareness or the others awareness, awareness in connection to certain situations.

The conversation is an elementary social need and, going further with this idea, the human communication is considered more than transmitting information. It is an interaction, an exchange of relations, and an occasion for self-assertion. Through communication, individuals confirm their social roles, the places they have within a group or society.

No social relation can influence more personal thinking and reconsiderations than the conversation, as a means of direct communication. It is the most powerful agent of imitation, dissemination of ides, feelings and manners of acting. It destroys hierarchies and thus the strongest communicational barriers are overcome.

Johnson and Johnson (1994) have described the following stages of the communication process:

• The intentions, ideas and feelings of the message transmitter are formed before transmitting the message. The individual codifies these intentions, ideas and feelings, translating them into a message appropriate for transmittal.
• The individual sends the message by a channel towards the recipient. This channel is formed of the words of a text, the tone of voice, the facial expression, poise and body language.
• The recipient translates this message by interpreting the received signs. The quality of the interpretation depends on the extent he / she has understood the content and context of the message, as well as the transmitters intentions. The recipient receives the message through the sensorial channels, such visual, auditory and tactile.
• The recipient analyzes this interpretation of the message. The meaning of the message may include both its denotative message, and the meta-communication content, that is what the message means in connection to its relation to the transmitter. Meta-communication is nothing else but a message about the message (Satir, 1967, p.76). Thus, the recipient compares the message with his / her previous experiences that influence the significance of the message.
• The recipient replies the transmitter.

2. The Evolution of the Communication Concepts

The retroaction or feed-back (cybernetic concept introduced by Norbert Wienner) stands for the reply given by the recipient to the transmitter, which grants clarity to communication. Feed back enables checking and measuring the quality of the message reception, as well as the adaptation or change thereof depending on needs. Mutual or circular communication has the advantage that it enables successive adjustments of the message or expressing ideas depending on the interlocutors feedback. The disadvantages of this manner of communication may be related to the slow rhythm and inefficiency of communication or even the noises that may interfere with the circulation of the useful information (digressions, redundancies, emotions, rumors). On the other hand, the noises may be useful for maintaining ones attention. The aimed at effect or the purpose the act of communication has determines the content and for of the message.

Up to this point of our discourse, we can draw the conclusion that the style and content of communication differs and depends on what is aimed at (purpose of communication): to convince, determine a certain action, change, sensitize, become aware of something, seduce Let us not forget that the goal of any communicational act is to influence.

By the concept of retroaction or feed-back, Norbert Winner suggests exceeding the linear scheme of communication by its circular pattern that enables adjustment within a system and that will be applied in the analysis of, for instance, institutional and family situations. The focus is on the recipient, and communication becomes interactive. Noise: the linguist Weaver introduces this concept that may mean interference along the communication channel, but may also have a psychological meaning: useless words, redundancy, tics, attitudes that contradict the words that have been uttered.

Harold Laswell, American sociologist, has developed the communicational pattern by introducing the concept of effect in the communication scheme. According to him, the communication cannot be reduced to intentional communication. Not everything that is expressed is also communicated; equally, not everything that is intentionally communicated is necessarily received. The suggested pattern enables a complete enough analysis of the communication process:

Who says? What is said? To whom is it said? Through what channel? To what effect

This scheme may be inverted and read from the recipients perspective that thus acquires a place in the first line of communication.

Who look for what information from what source, through what channel, what goals are pursued

Though illustrative, this pattern is not preoccupied with the context of communication. We may add, therefore, the question in what circumstances? a question without which the message significance itself may be hardly understood.

II. The Efficiency of Interpersonal Communication

1. Verbal Obstacles

The characteristic of human communication is that is takes place through several channels. In day-to-day life, each communication channel has its special role, and they are all used together.

The verbal channel stands for the most typical means of communication. However, obstacles often encumber it. The most important obstacles of verbal communication described by Gordon (1996) are:

1. injunctions, orders and commands;
2. threat, warning;
3. sermon and lecture;
4. advice or solutions;
5. logic arguments;
6. critical analysis, blame;
7. positive evaluation / appreciation;
8. labeling, irony and ridicule;
9. analysis and diagnosis;
10. consolation, encouragement;
11. interrogatory
12. humor, sarcasm, withdrawal, avoiding the subject.

Injunctions, orders and commands. In case the adult address the child by an injunction, the latter will be under the impression that his / her feelings, wishes and problems are not important. Such communication shall cause the child the feeling that he / she or his / her behavior is unacceptable. For instance, if someone says to him / her:

- I dont care you need to go to the bathroom; sit down and be quiet

- Shut up and stop crying, you are no longer a small child

- Go to bed

In such cases, the one uttering the injunction has a behavior that is the opposite the desired one, the child becomes irascible, disobedient and aggressive.

Threat, warning. This means of communication is very similar to the first one, however, in this case, the one that resorts to it also describes the possibilities where the child does not do what it is expected of him / her. In this case, the child becomes scared, even frightened, and after some time there is the possibility that he / she will do what is expressly prohibited to him/her. Examples of threat:

- If you dont behave, Ill call your parents for talk ;

- Finish your meal, otherwise youll stay here until there is nothing left on the plate

Sermon, lecture. The sermon conveys to the child the message that the speaker does not trust him/her and that it is preferable that he / she should accept what the grown-up says to him/her without expressing his / her own point of view. Lectures wake up feeling of guilt in the child, which is a disagreeable feeling that leads to frustration, withdrawal and possibly aggression. In case the child hears the words should, ought to, must too often, he / she will resist in reply looking for as many arguments against them.

Here are several examples of communication of the sermon type:

- You should listen to older people;

- You must say nicely everything you have done and not hide anything, because lying is

Advice, solutions. If the predominant form of communication is that of giving advice to children, they may at times become dependent on the people they receive advice from, may revolt as they feel their independence is threatened or they get the feeling they are misunderstood.

Example:

- Listen to me, I know whats better for you.

Logic arguments. Logic arguments are accepted if the child adult relation is good. When there are problems between the two, this way of communication may give the child a sense of inferiority, inability. Logical arguments very rarely achieve the purpose it has been used for as it gives the child a feeling of competition and he / she wishes at all costs to prove he / she has been right. Thus, the child gets to the stage where he / she does not even hear what the adult, teacher or social worker is saying.

Critical analysis, blame. Criticism leads to counter-criticism among children. They often think certain things about the criticizing adult, and not only, they even speak their minds. If criticism takes place often, the children in this situation grow to underestimate themselves, think they are good for nothing, that they cannot be helped. Research indicates that, following such a situation, many children end up doing risky things and often commit antisocial deeds.

Positive evaluation / appreciation. Adults often hold a child as a positive example in front of other children. They think the child in question appreciates this. This is not often true, as the child held as a positive example would rather feel inferior to the others, wish this will never happen again, or may even be mad at the adult. In other cases, children who get used to positive appreciation may become addictive to it, and may also end up asking for the social workers appreciation, and if he / she does not answer them, they will automatically think that what they have done is no good, and that is the reason why they were not paid attention to.

Labeling, irony, ridicule. In most cases where the children who were labeled by the social workers answer the same way, saying for instance Look who behaves childish . These children do not actually have self-esteem, but they use all resources to find an excuse for their behavior.

Analysis, diagnosis. This means suggests the child that the adult, teacher and social worker sees everything that is going on inside him/her, knows the reasons that his / her behavior is based on. This amateurish psychoanalysis may be scary to children (Gordon, 1996). If the analysis is correct, the child feels defenseless; if it is incorrect (as it happens with most cases) the child feels attacked with no actual reason. Using this means of communication induces fright to the child, and after a while the child will think it is better to say nothing, as if the adult finds out the truth it could be dangerous to him / her (the adult will know his / her secrets, realize his / her weaknesses and take advantage of them in some way). This impression that the child may have that he / she is in danger is specially increased if the child does not feel there is an unconditionally loving person around him.

Example:

- I know why you dont dare to be active in class, you cant hide to me that you are shy, that you have no confidence at all in yourself.

How to do it otherwise?

Consolation, encouragement. Though consolation seems to be of help to the child in distress, it actually is not. When the child faces a problem and is consoled, he / she will not feel better, but will have a feeling he / she was not understood. Thus children will withdraw to themselves, believing there is no point in talking to the social worker as the child expect the social worker should not feel what the child feels, think what he / she thinks.

Example:

- Dont be upset, youll see everything will be fine No one will be interested tomorrow in what happened.

How to do it otherwise?

Interrogatory. If the child has problems, it is not good to assail him / her with questions. To the child this means we do not trust him / her or that the social worker is trying to catch him / her with a lie, and maybe that is why the social worker resorts to so many questions that the child may feel as traps. The possibilities to tell what happened will be few, as his / her answers will limit to the answers given to the social workers questions. Another possibility is when the child believes that the social worker asks him / her so many questions because the worker wants to solve the problem for him/her.

Examples of sets of questions that may be sensed as interrogatory:

- When did you feel that the first time? How many times has it happened so far? Does it always happen this way?

- Have you had enough sleep? When did you go to bed? When did you get up; Werent you sleepy in school? Did the teacher notice you were sleepy? What did she say?

How to do it otherwise?

Humor, sarcasm, withdrawal, avoiding the subject. At first sight, treating the problem with humor seems a successful thing to do, but the social workers that resort to it do nothing else than suggest the child that his / her problem does not truly interest them, that they do understand the seriousness of their problem. This makes the children, as do not trust their social worker, to turn to someone else when facing problems.

It is very easy to block a conversation. Consciously or not, we do it all the time. If we indeed do not wish to go on with the subject, then everything is all right, but often this is not our intention. It is possible that we could freeze the conversation without wishing to, because of our bad habits, that is the ways we have learnt about how to react, and not take into consideration alternatives. It is possible for instance that we may not be preoccupied with what happens with the progress of our own plan of action and what will happen the very next moment. Sometimes our mind develops a whole scenario that absorbs us so much that we do not pay absolutely any attention to what the other says. Another reason of bad communication may be our indetermination to adapt to the other, especially if the other is furious or upset. Therefore, in such situations we could decide either to say nothing, or turn our back on him / her.

There are communicational barriers that each of us use. Take a few minutes to answer the questions below (in the free column). What communicational barriers do you use towards others? How are they using against you? By whom?

THE KILLERS OF COMMUNICATIONS

After Cornelius, S and Faire, S. (1996)

2. Non-verbal Communication

The words themselves are but a level. Starting with words and the tone of voice, people permanently interpret (and often are wrong when doing so) the terms of the relation they have with you. If the final result is that they perceive a lack of respect from you, then the communication will not be efficient, no matter on how good your intentions are. That is why you are responsible not only of the message you transmit, but also of the communicational tone and the message the others receive. A good choice of words is always important, but it is not of too much use when behind words we have a blocking, respect-lacking attitude and an impersonal voice.

If you wish your relations to be good, then the communication with another individual shall have to combine verbal and non-verbal signals, which they should together prove the following:

you respect your communication partner as your equal and you will not dominate him / her;

you respect his / her right to have an opinion and you will not manipulate to see things your way

you respect and value his / her decisions and will not undermine or sabotage them;

you respect his / her values and experience.

Exercise: Our game (Adapted after Rudas, 1997, p.272-273)

The social worker asks the children to draw a sheet of paper and present the problem on the paper by the non-verbal means that is also indicated on the paper. Verbal communication is not allowed. After each and every exercise, the social worker will stop the game, write down the communication non-verbal means that have been used (or that could be used) except for the ones indicated on the paper.

Problems that may be written down on the paper:

a.       give me a glass of water;

b.      open (shut) the door;

c.       please, draw the curtain;

d.      tell me the exact time;

e.       sit down and relax;

f.        take you imaginary clients arm and see him out;

g.      shake hands with the person who enters the room;

h.      ask a pencil and a piece of paper;

Non-verbal means:

gestures (movements of the hands and arms);

poise movements (movements of the entire body);

movements of the eyes; 

movements of the head;

touching;

communication with the aid of an object;

para-verbal means (sound with no verbal significance).