Means of efficient communication

Means of efficient communication

a)    Verbal communication

b)    Phases of listening

c)     Perturbations of the listening process

d)    Communication by phone

Objectives:

• To realize the importance of the uttered words. 
• Attention paid to the generated effects.
• The conviction that you dont communicate just by the simple act of speaking, but only when a relation transmission-reception, sender-receiver is established.
• The importance of listening is greater than the concern for talking.

Exercises

• Tell the students a story from your life, asking them before to note all the important elements and the words that did not express exact notions.
• Transform the story in a dialog.
• Revert the roles: someone tells something, helped by you with interruptions that help him to continue.
• Emphasize the role of encouragement during the narration and note the expressions meant to eliminate the inhibition.

a). Verbal communication

It is obvious that in the day by day life we will almost never meet only one form of communication (meaning none of the subdivisions above-mentioned intrapersonal, interpersonal, verbal communication, feedback) in pure state, because not even the deaf-mute, lets say, dont communicate only by hands, but also by mimics. In his turn, a radio reporter, even though transmits a football game and no one sees him when he speaks, at the time of the message, we can hear the tribunes voice and he will make all to show us what is happening on the stadium, hoping we will also see something. Not to mention that this communication, although by words, does not look like the discussion between two people, the last mentioned being also verbal communication, the first one cannot communicate without the help of technique. Communication, as it is in the field of public relations comprises all these forms, although the mostly used is the mass communication sooner than the communicational exchanges between individuals.

The verbal communication is the current form of communication between people. The verbal communication is realized considering the close beings: members of the family-husband, wife, parents, children, the lover for the single ones. It is realized with the neighbours, work colleagues, people accidentally met in the street, in shops, during the vacation. The verbal communication is realized daily in the social relations with the employees from the state institutes or privatised firms. It is usually admitted that there is no real connection between a word, a sound, a written sign, or an object and the signified one in our empiric world. The conventions that people establish in order to induce signification by some words, gestures or objects are only conventions. Only a few examples: for a finger, so familiar to any of us, every language has a different word formed of an arbitrary number of sounds or letters (signs). The second example is related to the gesture: to nod, moving the head from left to right means approval for some communities and disagreement for others. For Romanians shaking the head on the horizontal means no and for the Bulgarians yes. At least, to wish someone that started a job good luck or I hope all goes well goes well with you work is a wish of common sense, but saying the same words to a fisher or a hunter is no good luck for him Saying good day while at a baptizing means something common, the same thing to a funeral being rudeness

In order to communicate verbally in an efficient way, it is not enough to want this thing, to think to what we are about to say, but we must be able to talk. The capital of speaking is given by the vocabulary of the language in which we express ourselves. When talking to a German, for instance, we can communicate to him in close relation to the direct number of words from the German language that we know. To a Russian it is the same. It doesnt matter how clever or sensitive we are in these situations, but it is important what we can express.

Vocabulary

It is necessary that we often think of the meaning of words, especially when they are not a part of the daily language. The simple opening of a dictionary and reading a word at random would show us that we dont know much about its meaning. To convince yourself, do like this: write down 10 words on a piece of paper and their meaning next to each word. Verify yourself, trying to see what dictionaries say and youll see how close or how far you have been from the truth.

Whenever you have the slightest hesitation about the meaning of a word, search in the dictionary. (the author of these lines is proud of only one cultural performance: he crammed using a dictionary!)

Nick Stanton, from whom well borrow some advises that follow, thinks that the games with words meant to the amusement are an efficient method for verifying the personal vocabulary. It is indeed, a solution at anyones hand because you can find anywhere crossed words and rebus magazines. Among the ways of enriching the vocabulary it is recommended:

- The intensive reading

Except for the reading for work or for studies, you must strive to read as much as possible: books or articles on different themes; a newspaper regularly (it is preferable a daily paper of high-quality); serious magazines. Here is a minimum book list, which cannot lack from the virtual library of a high-school graduate, not to talk about a college graduate:

Ovidiu Drimba, Istoria culturii si civilizatiei, Bucuresti, Editura stiintifica si enciclopedica, 1985

Homer, Iliada, Bucuresti, Espla, 1955

Homer, Odiseea, Espla, 1956

Tudor Vianu, Studii de literatura universala si comparata, Bucuresti, Editura Academei, 1963

G. Calinescu, Scriitori straini, Bucuresti, Editura pentru literatura universala, 1967.

G. Calinescu, Istoria literaturii romane de la origini si pana in prezent, orice editie.

Dante, Divina comedie, Bucuresti, Espla, 1954

Boccaccio, Decameronul,, Bucuresti, Editura Univers, 1978

Goethe, Opere, Bucuresti, Editura Univers, 1984

Victor Hugo, Mizerabilii, Bucuresti, Cartea Romaneasca, 1981

Shakespeare, Opere, Bucuresti, Espla, 1955

Lucretiu, Poemele naturii, Editura stiintifica, 1965

Moliere, Opere, Bucuresti, Espla, 1955

Alexandria, Esopia, Bucuresti, 1955

Thomas Mann, Iosif si fratii lui, Muntele vrajit, Doctor Faustus, orice editie.

Luigi Pirandello, Teatru si Salul negru, nuvele, Bucuresti, E.L.U., 1966

Proust, In cautarea timpului pierdut, Bucuresti, Editura pentru literatura, 1968

Giovanni Papini, Un om sfarsit, Buc., E.L.U, 1969

E.A.Poe, Prabusirea casei Usher, Bucuresti, E.P.L., 1965

Henry James, Ambasadorii, Bucuresti, Editura Univers, 1982

Henry James, Intre doua tarmuri, Editura Eminescu, 1980

Flaubert, G., Doamna Bovary, Bucuresti, Editura Minerva, 1970.

Tolstoi, L., Razboi si pace, Anna Karenina, any edition.

Dostoievski, Idiotul, Crima si pedeapsa, Demonii, any edition.

Kafka, Procesul, Bucuresti, Editura pentru Literatura

A.P.Cehov, Opere, vol.I-III, ed. Univers, 1980.

William Faulkner, Absalom, Absalom, Nechemat in tarana, Orasul, Catunul any edition.

Balzac, Mos Goriot, Verisoara Betty, Femeia la 3o de ani, etc. Any edition.

Stendhal, Manastirea din Parma, any edition.

John Fowles, Iubita locotenentului francez, Bucuresti, Editura Univers, 1974.

Valentin Rasputi, Traieste si ia aminte, Bani pentru Maria, any edition.

Biblia, any edition.

- The word of the week

Try to choose a word every week, among those you met and did not know what they meant. Use it as often as possible in writing and in conversation. Your friends will probably find this amusing but soon they will envy you for your vocabulary.

- Use dictionaries

If you hear anyone using an unknown word, ask what it means or search it in the dictionary. It is best to use a serious dictionary, like DEX or Dictionarul Enciclopedic.

- Latin or Greek roots

More words, even those that originate in other language are composed with Latin or Greek roots. Although few people learn Latin or Greek, it is useful to know some of the most usual affixes, (affixes are parts of the word which usually appear at the beginning or at the end of the word, respectively prefixes or suffixes). For example, auto originates in Greek and means by oneself, and composes words like automatic, autobiography, autograph.

Exercises to help you read faster

The goal of the reading exercises is to accustom your eyes to move continuously and fast over the page, and your mind to look for the meaning of read ideas an not of the singular words.

The exercises may look inconvenient at first, which will make you focus more on the mechanism of the exercise than on the meaning of words.

Despite all these, with a little effort, the inconvenient actions will become automated. Maybe one of these exercises may not look useful at first, so try to do it seriously before rejecting it.

Following

Follow the words across the page by the finger or a pen; try to keep a constant speed across every line.

At first, you will notice the disposition of focusing more on the following than on keeping words in mind but, with a little practice you will start to pay attention to the reading.

Then, you increase the speed gradually, keeping the slow and regular move. After that, try to follow the alternative lines, then the third, and then the fourth line.

It may look silly to do this exercise, but it is one of the good habits to which children are determined to give up. As a matter of fact, this method of using the finger or an indicator is nothing but a simplified copy of those used during the most sophisticated courses for a fast reading, where spots of light are used to encourage the eye to move slowly but with an increasing speed.

Maintaining the rhythm

One the aims of the fast reading are to achieve a constant rhythm, using a rhythmic sound. It can be done by dabbing easily the page using the finger or a pencil at the end of the line, at every two lines or even more rare. Practice until you will find a rhythm that is convenient. Then, gradually, increase the rhythm, as in the previous exercise.

The sound and the movement of the finger, which tapes the rhythm, react like a musician s metronome.

Read everything faster

Practice to read everything more and more fast.

b). The phases of listening

According to the importance and the signification of the information in the message, listening has different intensity levels.

Occasional listening represented by the superficial discussions. We participate in this type of listening only if the message contains ordinary information, not critical and without relevance. It does not require great efforts of focusing. Such message, such listening and obviously such results. It might be said like this: he talks, he listens, or he listens. or A pretends to talk, B pretends to listen, C has the impression that we talk

De facto listening: it is characterized by asking questions, requiring information, developing interpersonal communication by the providing-receiving feedback action.

Empathic listening it is adopted when the sender tries to understand the interlocutors thoughts and feelings and by listening he manifests his empathy towards him. 'Consequently, Stephen R. Covey recommends, if you desire to learn successfully the interpersonal communication, you cannot be content with only one technique. You must develop the empathic listening aptitude, based on a character that should inspire confidence, that should awake in the other the desire to open to you.'

Empathic listening is truly an efficient listening in the support communication and the opening of interpersonal communication.

According to the difficulty degree of the message, there are at least three types of listening:

Informing listening in this case the message is simple and, in order to understand it, it is required to keep only the main idea.

Attentive listening: The message is complex. Above the main idea, it is necessary to keep in mind the facts that hold the idea

Focused listening: involves a high level of focusing, analysis, synthesis and evaluation.

c. Perturbations of the listening process

In order to understand and then to apply correctly the efficient listening skills in the interpersonal communication it is necessary to be aware of the perturbing factors that may appear. Here are some of these factors and the barriers they generate:

Lack of interest

This cause is the most important barrier in the listening process because it blocks the speaker during the discussion. It is also necessary to ask ourselves why anyone is not available to listen to us? Among others, we are not listened because the interlocutor prefers to talk (and how many arent they wishing to speak, especially among us, the Romanians, with such a rich oral literature!) or not, the listener (most of the times from our fault) convinces easily that nothing new is communicated to him. In these situations the receiver of our communication doesnt want to listen because the message is negative, considering the opinions like a personal attack. And who wants to be criticized, even endure the observations willingly, though he can just go, leaving us after a simple good day. Or even without this salute, because its a good day anyway, and for him its just bad luck at the moment. So he hurries to chill out to talk and to grade himself for behaviour. Its not a passing grade, a lousy five, oh no, he certainly gives himself the maximum grade, because, speaking, he became a professor

Overvaluation of talking

The sender can overvalue talking and undervalue listening. Although, when he enters a board room or joins a group, the individual gets to the conclusion, after two or three minutes that the discussion is not interesting, after other two or three minutes he becomes agitated and wants to talk. Under the pretext of asking a question, he begins to speak. If allowed, some can talk even for a half an hour. This means that, for the moment he discovered the importance of speaking, which is correct, but he overvalues it. In a different situation, the speaker, happy that he has someone interested around, whos asking questions and asks for explanations lets himself carried in discussions that have nothing to do with the subject, which makes the other listeners feel frustrated and leave the room. 'The good speakers know how to supervise the talking-listening relation. The president Abraham Lincoln, considered as one of the most efficient leaders and having the best communication skills in the history of America, said: When Im ready to exchange opinions I spend third of the time thinking of me and what I have to say, and two thirds thinking of him and what he has to say. An advise worthy to take.

Preconceived ideas

Each of us is the owner of more preconceived ideas than he would be open to accept, especially because he considers that he has objective convictions, acquired subsequently to some experiences he understood properly or to some high-quality lectures upon which he meditated a lot. Or, in this case, why should we, ourselves have preconceived ideas? Others, yes, prove this fact any time they dont agree with us! If their sayings disagree with what we expect to hear, it is difficult for us to listen. This doesnt have to discourage us, on the contrary. If we are truly interested in communication, we easily realize that it is much more important to discuss with someone that argues with us, draws our attention on the superficiality of ideas, on the holes in our construction or on the feeble combinations of arguments, while a discussion with someone that nods and says just yes, yes, will not be any good for us, despite of all the satisfaction we feel at that moment.

Egocentrism

I, I, I and the others may seem the preferred refrain of each of us. Obviously we did not invent it, but this doesnt bother us too much, we do not wish a patent for an invention. The first human who really wanted, and was aware of it, to look like The Lord was Cain: he wanted and actually did what passed through his mind: he brought a sacrifice after his own will, out of his work, to his God, who was himself indeed Later, the Renaissance, the Romanticism, the right wing, put in the middle of the universe the individual, considering that His Lord The Ego has nothing better to do than looking in the mirror and letting himself to grow. Obviously, for those who did not forget that the human is created as glory to the Creator, the vision of the human wonder is beneficent: the human is really the measure of all things, if we accept beforehand that he was created a little less than angels, just like The Scripture lets us know. Thus, the megalomania risk occurs. So, if you dont want to find out what is your place on earth and among your fellow creatures, one the great barriers in listening is the individuals self-preoccupation If we care more about ourselves, we will not be able to listen those around us. This would mean to accept that others are right, that we dont hold the monopoly of truth that we are nor the first or the last that can think or speak.

Emotional background

None of us enters a public place with bare hands. Metaphorically speaking, we are all charged, filled even with our own personality. Our previous experiences, positive or negative, can influence the listening. If you never took part in high emotional experiences, you will probably have to filter what others say about those experiences. If you are preoccupied with certain subjects, if a certain subject determines you to be defensive, or if you often project your point of view on the others, you will have to control your reactions before becoming a real listener. It is best that we are sensitive and we dont stay indifferent to our fellow peoples experiences and confessions, but if we want to understand them it is best not to let ourselves lead by emotions. They are enough emotional if they got into a desperate situation which they communicate, our heart beats are not necessary at the moment, objective thinking, detachment, appeal to judgement being more important now.

Tendency to polemics

There are people who are inclined to argue. For reasons that we dont analyse at the moment, some find appropriate the ill-tempered behaviour, the polemics, disregarding the price to be paid, by them, or by their victims. Some believe that, in this way, they prove their personality; by contradicting, they consider themselves distinctive of the crowd and they have courage. The listener, realizing that he doesnt agree to what he hears, doesnt listen the message anymore and begins the answer preparation by adopting a defensive or aggressive attitude, which alters the idea of communication. Anton Pann has something to say about talkative people.

The word is like wind, neither the stallion nor the greyhound can keep the pace with it.

Words cut more than swords.

The tongue has no bones but breaks the bones.

Therefore

Hold your tongue and lock your heart

Because

The day has eyes, the night has ears.

Bad news travel faster than good news.

What is done by night appears by day.

The ox has a big tongue but it cannot speak.

Therefore

Keep quiet and live a peaceful life.

Opposition to transformation

Theoretically, most people consider they are ready to accept advise and to change. However compromised the concept of revolutionary would be, more and more people accept to be considered revolutionaries and liberals rather than reactionaries and conservatories. No one is willing to consider himself old and sclerotic, incapable of understanding anything. But generally, people oppose to changing, being tempted to keep a status quo according to the principle of minimum energy. There is the tendency of adopting the content, but not improving the change. People can clearly understand the presented arguments, but they dont trust the motivations of those who propose the change.

Speakers language

As we communicate by language, any default in using the language, puts under question the language efficiency, not to say more: cancels communication The vocabulary is, in this case, highly important, because one cannot communicate anything using only a few dozens of words from the main fund of a language. There are, referring to the vocabulary, at least two great dangers:

Simple speaking, result of the poorness of words, which makes impossible the elevated communication, the transmission of ideas and concepts.

Neologism abuse, savant speaking, in order to impress and to put in difficulty the listener. The effect is the one visible known especially for the most of the critics: they talk and they understand what they wanted to say. Lets hope they understand

At the same time, we mustnt loose of sight the fact that words used in the interpersonal communication have more meanings. The listener, naturally, is tempted to choose the direct, known meanings, and that relate to his personal system of judgment. The words heard during the communication and that have an unknown or obscure meaning tears away the listener from the content of the message.

Talking speed

Specialists calculated in communication the normal speed of talking for a normal person- it is of 125-150 words per minute, while the brain speed for receiving and processing the verbal information is of 480-600 words per minute. It means that, when we dont make ourselves understood the guilt belongs not to the brain but to the languagenot because we said too many words we were not understood but because we did not say the right thing, to the right person, at the right time. On the other side, lets not fool ourselves that we will be appreciated becausewe talk all the time. We are not in competition with the sport broadcasters and even if we were, its not a big deal if we win them: they talk without substance anyway and they are preoccupied only with the direction of a ball

Attention, dont disturb!

During the process of communication, many perturbations appear, some are external, others are internal. If we are aware of it, we can avoid them, or, in the worthiest case, we can minimize them. Such perturbations can be: the noise, the voice characteristics, the limited time, visual collateral stimuli, fatigue, stress, and the time of the day. 'The specialized studies showed that the optimum time for the listening process is between 8.00h-11.00h and 15.00h-18.00h. This is the ideal period for interviews.

For the professional speaker, the inconveniences above-mentioned cannot be surprises; he must know them and take the proper actions. A reporter, by example verifies several times the recorder, closes the doors and the windows, cuts off the phones, writes on the door (or has the host to take care of it) Please, dont disturb.

d. Communication by phone

Although we talk every day on the phone, some being professional about it for a few decades and we might think that we have nothing to learn no more, communication by phone requires some rules, if we dont want it to turn into a small talk. Of all media communication of our modern times, the phone is, probably, the most ordinary, also the most accessible. Today, not only business people have the chance to use it but every citizen, considering of course, the differences between the countries developed economically and those in process of development. What is certain is the fact that it cannot be considered a luxury object, used to impress, but a necessity. The situation begins to be the same even with the cell phones: under our own eyes the passage from the exceptional cases to generalization appeared, so that we should not be surprised to see pupils in elementary school with phones hanging at their neck or at their hips. There are gone the times when the only portable little fortune of a child was exclusively the key tided down by the neck with a resistant cord!

Used efficiently, the phone offers two advantages: its fast and allows people to communicate even when they cannot meet. The phone, by being easily handled and being characterized by speed, has also the power of transmitting fast a false impression on the efficiency of individuals and organizations and that is why it can create confusion. This way of communication has also other advantages:

Low prices comparative to other possibilities of transmitting messages at distance;

Easy handling and no time to make it operative, for any model;

Less space to occupy, so it is not inconvenient, being an easy portable accessory;

It doesnt make you to communicate at order, in other words, if you want to answer, you answer, if you dont, you dont!

But phone communications, Nick Stanton draws our attention, dont always save time, and in business, we apply the well- known formula Time is money

The disadvantages in communication, after this authority in communication, would be:

Trying to get a free line;

The searched person is not available;

The transmissions from a department to another, in the attempt to find the appropriate interlocutor;

You are on hold, without connection, by an operator or you are listening annoyed the affable voice of the robot;

A solicitant who got you on the phone speaks as if he had all the time in the world for the conversation, while you are held over your head.

When we are talking about the first contact, the phone offering the chance of communication by word, you can not use all the elements of the non-verbal language, and because of this you miss the chance or hold beck the chance of solving some problems

At the phone, you are not sure that all of your words are heard, and vice versa, that you got exactly what you were told.

The message is not clearly understood because of lack of visual replies and response reactions. This lack of visual communication not only that can determine the misunderstanding of the message, but can lead to serious confusions, putting the interlocutors in psychological disadvantage. Many people hesitate to call because they cannot see the person to which they address, having as result the rejection of the phone as an efficient way of communication

As any activity that does not include only one individual, the communication is, by excellence, a relationship established between two or several, and on the phone, conversation implies a certain behaviour, which Stanton classifies under the title: Basic Phone Rules:

To be short. The necessity of not prolonging the conversation until you become unbearable as the rough winter or a parliamentary TV speech doesnt mean to become a telegrapher. So, it is necessary to have a clear message, but we dont earn the right to be sharp, nervous or rude. The lack of confidence in the spoken words over the phone determines some people to talk more than they would do it in a face-to-face conversation.

To be polite. This is important especially in order to avoid producing a wrong and difficult to correct impression. The voice tone is as important in creating a good impression as words are.

Not to forget the face! Remember that, even if you dont use a videophone, your facial expression affects the tone of your voice. Smile! A smile can be heard in the tone of your voice, which may sound pleasant and interesting. If you knit, your tone can be unfriendly and distant.

To be ingenious. Dont be the type which never knows anything. Always think at the way you can be the most helpful. If you take over a message for someone else, use all your knowledge to put the sender and the beneficiary in contact. 

To speak clear. Enounce and articulate clearly the words in order to counteract the bad quality of the phone line, as well as the absence of lips movement visualization. In a brochure published by the Industrial and Commercial Association (AEECI) entitled A Guide to the Use of the Telephone, the author suggests that the phone operators should be selected and trained carefully until they acquire the following qualities, considered by Stanton qualities are essential to anyone who wants to use the phone in business.

l verbal clarity

l speed

l courtesy

l accuracy

l discretion

l multiple resources

A minimum of requirements

During the listening process, in phone conversations, or in the interpersonal face-to-face communication, it is necessary to make efforts to really get the message. Here are some requirements, mentioned by Sam & Lyle Sussan:

Show interest to the speaker.

The more we listen attentively, the more is difficult to make mistakes.

Ask questions and listen to the answers.

Find out what people want and why.

Think about the consequences of your actions before talk or act.

Put yourself in place of other persons to anticipate their reactions.

You can influence people understanding why they believe in a precise thing, and then adapt your message in conformity with it.

You cant reach this objective unless you listen to them or dont act rational.

We can add to these ones:

First, get rid of the usual Im delighted to see you.

Dont use standard expressions, such as: look! I dont believe it!

Dont say: it was worse for me.

Create to the interlocutor the impression that, at that moment, he represents a person that interests you.

Rephrase a part of the interlocutors affirmation, appreciating his formulation.

Confess that you will think about the discussion even when youll be alone.

You found out an exquisite experience directly from source

Admit that you wouldnt have the patience (strength) to pass over such a situation.

Exercises:

Start from the premise that activity puts us, almost daily, in the situation of being public servants or solicitants. In other words, we demand to be served or we are being asked to make services. It is best to know what are the dangers in any of these positions.

Public servants prejudgments   Sometimes Frequently No

What does he want this time? U F N

He thinks I have two hours to waist with him U F N

There are others in line too U F N

He speaks in a muffled voice U F N

He yells as if I was deaf U F N

He thinks its nursery here U F N

If it were that simple, I would have some U F N

At my salary, I listen to all the idiots U F N

He made 5 children and now he finds he cant raise them   U F N

We all have needs U F N

If I tell the boss what this one wants, he sends me to the madhouse  U F N

After I serve him, he pretends he doesnt know me   U F N

I have enough of thank you U F N

He came with his best outfit to impress me U F N

He is dressed like a clown U F N

If I had my pocket filled with what he wants, Id give it  U F N

to him(her) too

It doesnt work just like this. . U F N

I have waited for three years for a thing like this   U F N

Let him go to the Boss if he doesnt believe me U F N

I dont care if he denounces me to the Minister U F N

Ive seen of those! U F N

If he liked to work, he werent here U F N

He claims as if we would have made 10 children together   U F N

Its not ready just like this, God made the world in 7 days   U F N

He doesnt want advise, he wants charity U F N

I couldnt count those I served U F N

I wouldnt do this for my mother U F N

God doesnt ask what it doesnt exist. U F N

This goes at there in Occident, not here. U F N

If he knew the things on my mind, he wouldnt talk no more   U F N

He has a drinkers red nose U F N

Butter wouldnt melt in her mouth, but if happened   U F N

He has relations, he deserves to be served U F N

If I serve him, boss gets me why I did it U F N

It can be solved, but lets bury in papers. U F N

If he is in need, hell come again two or three times   U F N

He thinks Im married to this job U F N

Let his mother cry, not mine, Im not risking! U F N

If I were younger, maybe I would have got into it U F N

You got nothing of it U F N

If I serve this Negro , I dont get rid of him U F N

Not because hes clever, hes got no leg. U F N

Others are doing worse then him (her). U F N

Mark the answer that fits you. If you find yourself at answers Sometimes or Frequently, what will you do to give up on prejudgments like these?